New Senate Investigations

D.J. Drummond of POLIPUNDIT has an advance transcript of new Senate Hearings dubbed Hollygate:

SEN. LEVIN: Getting back on track, isn’t it true, Mister Claus, that you track and record the behavior of private Americans?

CLAUS: Yes, that’s correct. I keep a list, and I check it.

SEN. LEVIN: Isn’t it also true, that you categorize the actions and words of private individuals according to your personal opinion of their merit?

CLAUS: Well, it is true that I know who is naughty, and who is nice.

SEN. LEVIN: Isn’t it true that you even observe the times that individuals go to sleep and wake up?

CLAUS: Sort of. I know if someone is really asleep or not.

SEN. LEVIN: Mmm-hmm. And tell me please, what court approved a warrant for any of these activities of yours?

CLAUS: No court. I just do it.

(murmurs of disapproval among Democrats)

SEN. REID: You have never asked for permission from even a single court to spy on Americans?

CLAUS: I never saw it as necessary.

SEN. REID: And what about this giving-out of presents you do? Who decides what a person gets, and who approves your entry and exits into and from private residences?

CLAUS: Good children get very nice gifts, bad children usually get nothing, although in either case I sometimes leave a note.

SEN. REID: So you might decide to give presents to a child whose family is already wealthy, but you might also decide not to give to a child who lives in a poor neighborhood?

CLAUS: Hypothetically, yes, that could happen.

SEN. REID: Outrageous. And just who lets you in and out of people’s homes?

CLAUS: No one. I let myself in and out.

(anger among Democrats)

It's topical and hilarious. Go read the rest.